May 19th 2014

My mission is wrapping up. Loose ends are culminating into somthing very profound. Heavenly Father really does see the big picture. I'm coming to realize that more and more now, of how intricatly involved He is in everything that is in my life and that is everywhere. I may not always understand it and sometimes I get frustrated, frustrated that I have the liahona in my hands, am following it and still feel lost, lost in the wilderness. But then the promised land comes into view and it all starts to click. I laugh and cry and shout with thanksgiving that I truly have not been forsaken, in fact, I have been chosen. I'm so full of gratitude and love and I pray that the Lord will accept my efforts as I continue to press on these next three weeks.THREE weeks. This week went so fast that I can hardly admit to myself what that means about the next three weeks. Not a piece of me wants to go home right now but I know it's right. I know that an end has to come.. it's like a good book! every page is exhilirating and you don't want to put it down and you don't want it to end but you keep pushing on to finish because you have to see what's going to happen and because, well... you can't spend your whole life reading a book. But you can definately start new ones! okay, now I realize that I just brought us to the classic cliche of "turning a new page" or "starting a new chapter in life." But in any case, my mission is the best book I've ever lived. And that's because God wrote it, every word, even when I didn't know it. I mean, who but God could conjour such intense character development, or paint such a glorious setting, with such unique tone and voice just for me? There has been suspenseful peaks, peaceful valleys, danger, action, even romance (don't worry, nothing to do with me). And don't forget the many inspirational moments and humor sprinkled throughout. :)

It has been an unforgettable experience and it's not over yet!
This week was so miraculous! We're still meeting with that one woman I told you about on mothers' day-- she is a miracle in and of herself. I feel so blessed to know her, I've never met anyone like her. The best way I think I can describe her is like a yoda in the shape of a small russian woman with eyes that are so bright and a laugh that is so endearing. She's pure like a child and wise like a monk. But not a monk because she's internalizing truth at the rate of only one completely prepared by God. Heavenly Father has truly brought us together and I'm so grateful for her in my life. 

My time's short but be prepared for a looootttt of talking when I get back cause I'm sure I'll be letting more dets out in person.

Love,
Sister Johnson

February 17th 2014

Happy Valentines Day!!! Would it suprise you to say that we celebrated with pink frosted sugar cookies? &cheap matching rings with my compy. :) I love serving with Sister Sigman, we are just fantasic friends, I love it.   

Thanks for the updates on the Olympics! I've been super curious about what's going on! The closest I've got is little Sochi toys in Kinder eggs... lol Oh! and a couple days ago we heard from a group on very loud young men that Russia lost to America in a hockey game. They were not super happy about that... yeah. 

A couple of you have asked about Svetlana and I realized that I haven't updated you on the area in a while. As a result of what was clearly the Lord's mercy and our faith in him, our area has seen significant progress. The 'numbers' are up and we have a few people progressing towards baptism and a handful of news. We've done quite a bit of teaching, which is awesome but now I've got to learn how to teach!! Svetlana is doing good. She was in the hospital for a while but now she's back and we've been meeting frequently. We were frustrated because we weren't sure what was keeping her from baptism and we felt like we were going in circles. So we did a special fast on saturday for her and met with her that night. It just turned out that we didn't have a member with us and I think she felt a bit more comfortable because she just spilled everything out to us. Turns out she has a lot of concerns... those mainly being that she doesn't understand how only we have authority to baptize, she doesn't feel worthy for baptism and she understands the social consequences that occur when your friends, family and neighbors even hear the word 'Mormon.' So we're working with that. It was cool cause the next day on sunday she came to church and the subjects we talked about addressed each one of those concerns exactly. 

Thanks for letting me know my departure date. I've been kinda wondering about that... just kinda good to know after which cycle I'm leaving. looks like I've only got 2 cycles after this one. Ridiculous!!!!!! I remember a couple cycles back I was praying about an extention (a prayer I'm pretty sure every missionary prays) and I got the impression that my mission would be exactly long enough. That has been a great assurance through it all since then.

Love you all so much and your love is a lifeline to me! Thank you for each word of affection and encouragment! I'm grateful for how my mission has made our family stronger-- that is a great success.

Sister Johnson

February 10th 2014

Weeeelll it looks like I'm going to be in Balakova for the rest of my mission! Nothing is ever for sure but that's the way it's lookin. We still have no idea when our companions are coming in but I'll take all the time with Sister Sigman that I can get. We served together my first cycle in Balakova and it was a rough one for the both of us so it's really awesome to be together again as completely different missionaries. Plus, we're pretty good friends so that makes it fun :) & she served here a long time as well so she's super close with the branch. They were all so excited to see her, it was so cute. :) Only thing is that she's sick. She was completely down for 3 weeks before the transfer so we've been taking it slow this week. Svetlana is also been pretty sick so I'm worried about her. She wasn't able to  come to church yesterday, which is a pity since it was brance conference with the district presidency and the Schwabs there and everything. The turn out at church was amazing! We had a full chapel! & lots of less/in actives came :) 

Although it's been a slow week, I've felt a permiating tenderness. Just a gratitude and awareness of the Savior's love and mercy as I have been continuous in prayer and repentance and let faith in Him fill me up. I've thought a lot about each of you siblings and how you each have something you're working through, hard things, and I just want to say never give up. Please have faith, have patience in the Lord and that He will fulfill His promises. And even when you can't have faith, do not cast out that desire, but let it dwell in your heart and give you the hope to continue. 

I love you and I wish so much that I could help you by being there. I wish that I could be with each of you always to love and support you... and I mean that in a very real way. But I know that my being here will be more beneficial to you. At least that is my hope and my faith, which is Christ, who is, quite literally, with you always.

Love,

Sister Johnson :)

Dearest Missionaries,

Thank you for the efforts so many of you are making to work harder, including working much harder at prayer and working harder to exercise faith, expecting the blessings you seek, and controlling doubts and fears. It is wonderful to hear the experiences you have shared with me as you are doing that. The Lord is blessing our mission with some amazing things happening! I will try to share some of those experiences, as well as some of your miracles you have shared with me, in the zone conferences next week.

Every week, I earnestly strive to find out what our Father in Heaven would have you hear. As I have prayed about it this week, I have felt impressed to talk about discouragement, sorrow and related emotions.

I think many of us were surprised to experience discouragement or depression on our missions. The homecomings we attended were all so upbeat and some even said it was "the best two years." Many of you may have thought at times that "if these are supposed to be the best two years, then what is wrong with me?"

As a beginning point, I want to emphasize that it is NORMAL to feel discouragement and be "down" some of the time. The scriptures are full of examples when even the best of the best were "down" or discouraged, including both Nephi and Alma at times being "weighed down with sorrow," Ammon and his brethren having hearts which were "depressed" and "wanting to turn back," Joseph Smith crying out in frustration "O God, where art thou," and many others.

Much more importantly, as Isaiah prophetically described Christ, he said: "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief" (Isaiah 53:3). Can you relate? Do you ever feel "despised and rejected of men?" Do you ever feel like " a man (or woman) of sorrows" or "acquainted with grief?" If so, then you are in the most sacred of company!

While such feelings are appropriate at times, they become damaging and a hindrance to the work if not properly controlled. It is neither normal nor healthy to feel like this all the time. First, it runs contrary to the Lord's simple plan that "men are that they might have joy: (2 Ne. 2:25). Of course, we must have competing emotions for reasons including the fact that "it must needs be that there is an opposition in all things" (2 Ne. 11). But feeling sorrow and grief too much, and especially all of the time, is improper. As noted in Proverbs 15:13, "by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken." That is a warning which everyone of you should heed!

Sometimes we may think (perhaps with Satan's encouragement) that significant sorrow is actually a good thing and is necessary to achieve humility. While "Godly sorrow" for sin is necessary, and recognition of our own weakness and nothingness is important to humility, we often sink far below what the Lord desires. Let me give you two very instructive examples.

Nephi became discouraged and depressed as he considered his own weakness and unworthiness, even describing himself as "wretched" and having a heart which "sorroweth" and "grieveth" (2 Ne. 4: 17). However, undoubtedly knowing that boundaries to those feelings needed to be set, Nephi immediately said "NEVETHELESS, I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Ne. 4:19). I love that word "nevertheless" because it is not something we use enough to stop the progression of destructive and negative thoughts which we have. 

Nephi then went on to REQUIRE his soul to "awake" and his heart to "rejoice" rather than let his "heart weep" and his soul "linger in the valley of sorrow" (2 Ne. 4:26). He knew that if he did not, he would give Satan "place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul" (2 Ne. 4:27). We, as missionaries, need to follow Nephi's great example. Force your soul often to "awake" and your heart to "rejoice." Plead with your Father in Heaven to help you do so, and He will! 

Nephi then turns everything over to the Lord and asks Him, as he prays in Chapter 4, for help with his problems: ("Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin," and so on). We need to be wise enough to turn our grief, or sorrows, or weaknesses, our "wretchedness" over to the Lord so that HE can heal us. Nephi even adds as a warning that "cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm" (2 Ne. 4:34). WE MUST NOT PUT OUR TRUST IN MAN OR EVEN IN OUR OWN STRENGTH in an effort to overcome our weaknesses, or depression, or feelings of sorrow. We must faithfully give them to the Lord.

It could not be any clearer in the scriptures that the Lord invites--and even commands--us to do so. In Psalms 55:22 we read: "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee." Cast--not "tentatively push," not
"gently nudge," but CAST them upon Him! What an amazing commandment! Yet we trudge along, like a farm-horse pulling a heavy plow with our head down, rather than casting our burdens away and being free.

In an equally inviting (if not commanding) tone, the Savior said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). Do we do so? Are you laden with burdens or troubles on your mission that are heavy and make you labor? Do we take the Savior at His word and accept His promise? Or do we trudge forward, "making flesh our arm" in an effort to resolve our own problems, thinking that that is a good thing?

The same mistake can be made with repentance. In an effort to fully repent, some among us feel such continual sorrow that we become constantly depressed and despondent. Listen to what Alma said to his son, Shiblon, after he had repented of a very serious sin: "And now, my son, I desire that ye should let these things trouble you no more, and ONLY let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance" (Alma 42: 29). Why only let our sins trouble us with that trouble which brings us down to repentance? Because at that point, we have turned the sin over to Christ. We accept and have faith that His Atonement will wipe the sin away. We do NOT continue to try to carry the sin ourselves, thinking that our own pitiful efforts, including our continuing sorrow or remorse, will somehow pay a price that only the Savior can pay (and in fact has already paid).

Likewise, we do not allow the memory of our past sins and problems to cause us guilt, anguish and depression. God ALLOWS us to remember our sins so that we do not do them again. That does not mean we should feel guilt when we do so. Alma gives us a great example as he remembers "all my sins and iniquities" (Alma 36:13). HOWEVER, Alma then also remembers his repentance (verse 18) and his forgiveness (verses 19-24). If you remember past transgressions, require yourself to also remember your repentance and forgiveness. If you repent and then continue to feel guilt, you may be doing an unthinkable thing--challenging the effectiveness of the Atonement. You are improperly giving the infinite Atonement finite boundaries by trying to exclude yourself from its effect. 

Elders and Sisters, God can and will take away our sorrow, discouragement and despair if we have faith and allow Him to do so. What happened to our above-referenced examples from the scriptures who were discouraged? In Ammon and his brethren's time of discouragement, we are told that "the Lord comforted [them]" (Alma 26:27). To Alma, the Lord said "Blessed art thou, Alma; therefore lift up thy head and rejoice" (Alma 8:15). To Joseph Smith, the Lord extended the gift of "peace . . . unto thy soul" (D&C 121:7). In every circumstance, God removed the burden, gave joy, and extended peace. He will do the same for us if we cast our burdens upon the Lord and have faith in Him as we pray to the Father.

As missionaries, we will have some discouragement. It will be part of the work as long as people have their free agency and as long as Satan can influence them. We may feel temporary despair. We may "labor and be heavy laden." However, we must never forget that uncontrolled doubts, discouragement and despair will prevent the exercise of faith. When we feel such emotions, we must immediately say, as did Nephi, "NEVERTHELESS, I know in whom I have trusted." All of us have a Savior whose "arms of mercy are extended" towards us and not only allows but commands us to cast all of our burdens upon Him. What a merciful and incredibly kind Lord we have! He is a Savior and Redeemer in whom we can have perfect and CONTINUING faith because He is perfect and always there. This is His work that we are involved in. May we all control and cast out doubts, fear, depression and discouragement from our lives with His help, and choose instead to have constant faith and hope in Him and his promises. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

We love and pray for you,
President and Sister Schwab

February 3rd 2014

(on grandpa's passing)

I don't know what to say.

There's a lot. There's mournful sorrow, yes, shock, reverence, peace, gratitude but more than anything else, and overwhelming love. Looking back I can clearly see Heavenly Father's hand in it all... How I got to talk with him at Christmas and how the last things I remember him telling me were, "We love you" and "We're proud of you" as well as how he was grateful that I sent pictures and that he recognized a word I said in Russian... a word I didn't remember saying. :) ..How as I studied the Plan of Salvation I got a strong impression, even a voice saying, you're going to neeeed this. I got the call from president on saturday at noon after studies and before personal studies I had an interesting experience. I was carrying my morning tea from the kitchen and before I could set it on my study table it slipped from my fingers and fell, boiling water pouring all over my legs and falling to the ground. My right thigh was a bit burned and as I cleaned it up, got a new cup and sat down to the scriptures I thought. Why did that happen? It was just out of no where. Then I thought of a moment I had with Phalon when we were walking to the gym together, laughing and then all of the sudden her water bottle just dropped to the ground and cracked open. After she picked it up with a frown I said, "Well, one minute you have a water bottle, ... and the next you don't!" That might not sound poetic or significant and you might be wondering "what do fallen beverages have to do with grandpa's passing?" It's just that after that happened on saturday I knelt down and thanked God, having a little realization of how much we are completely out of control. How what we have can at any point be taken away and all we're left with is a burned spot on your leg that aches. 

And then also Heavenly Father was so aware and merciful to me that he put me with Sister Scott, whose grandmother passed away about a month ago. She knew exactly what I was going through and it was crucial to have her there with me. 

And he gave me Balakova, and when I say Balakova, I mean he gave me angels. I fasted this past sunday in mourning (I read a while back in the bible dictionary that fasting is also used as a form of mourning. I found that really interesting and thought I'd try it. I didn't know I would have an opportunity so quickly. It was very appropriate and felt really right to fast in that way.) As we sat in sacrament meeting I thought/prayed, Lord I can't be with my family right now, please help me to feel them. Then Sister Fedotova (the woman you met when we skyped) took my hand and held it tight for the rest of the meeting as I just wept. She was the only member that knew what happened and she also had a dear friend pass this week, so we together held on to each other. Then later I received a blessing from my district leader (who insisted) at a members home. She too, held on tight to my hand and brought me close. Thing is, she didn't know. 

I have felt an overwhelming amount of love from the branch here which has been a precious experience and also from grandpa. President asked to know a bit about him and really all I could think of to say was that he loved me. It seemed kind of silly to say just that as a description of my grandfather's life, but really that's all he did. There have been so many memories of him running through my mind and I feel him near. My heart also goes out to grandma and you all at home. I love you so much and I truly do know, I know that we will be a family forever. 

Sorry I'm writing a bit late because we have transfers....I'm staying in Balakova! for probably 3 more months because I'm training again. whoop whoop. But my trainee is stuck in America due to some changes is visa policies. SO I'm with sister sigman again for the time being. 

Thanks for all your love and prayers & I know that I'm sending them your way too!

Sister Johnson

January 13th 2014

I really don't know what to say this week.

It's like when you don't write in your journal for a few months and you just don't know where to begin or what's really important to say.

We're teaching a woman named Svetlana. She's eating up the Book of Mormon and came to church. Crazy thing is that she lives like two buildings down from us!! How did she not know we exsisted before now?? The Lord really does direct everyone and knows when it's their turn to meet us, whether they accept it or not.

This saturday we have a baptism scheduled for a couple in the elder's area that left the church years ago and have returned.

Last tuesday was Russian Christmas and we had a big party at the branch! It was so much fun! :) 

I've learned a lot in the past couple weeks about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I can't remember another time in my life how clearly I could see faith, repentance, baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring working in my life in such distinction. As I continue humbling myself the Lord keeps teaching me about His gospel, which has enabled me to experience a deeper conversion and conviction. This has really effected how I find, teach and work within the branch. I want everyone to understand more about the what the Gospel means and feel it working in their lives because I feel it changing me! This is the true Spirit of missionary work.

Question: Ben can start his papers soon right??

Love you all! Have a great week!!!! :)

Sister Johnson

Also, the Russians here think it's really funny that ya'll have colder weather than us. Everything is melting!!! But they promise that feburary and march will be cold. We'll see. I'm good with either but I'd rather mother nature just pick a season!

December 30th 2013

Happy New Year! 

Christmas was fantastic and it was so precious to talk to you all! I really treasured that time and it kinda restored and refreshed me to head into the last third of my mission. Afterward I just felt so completed and ready. I have a feeling the long stretch is over and it's all going to go super fast from here on out. So I'm going to kick it into an even higher gear and wear out every minute of it! As dad said, this work really does bring me the greatest joy!! & it's fun! :) I hope I don't emphasis too much on the hard parts of the mission. It really is a ton of good times and laughter! In fact, I frequently ask for a joke from my companion or from members and in our district meeting it's always written into our district leaders agenda to have a daily joke. It's important not to take life too seriously cause that just makes hard things harder. Also, it's easier to serve those around you when a smile is on your face and in your heart. Any emotion is contagious, but especially happiness.

After our skyping session we headed out to Saratov for a special Christmas zone conference which = regular conference+ delicious Christmas dinner made by Sister Schwab personally+ the First Presidency Christmas broadcast! It was pretty great! Focused all on the Savior and the same old concecrated missionary jazz this mission's super hot about. THIS mission is teaching me how to keep my temple covenants. Yes, I may be far from the temple and yeah, it's been a while since I've been through a session but here the temple is being internalized inside of me. One of those quality versus quantity things. I wish the quantity was up with with out quality, quantity means a lot less. 

We have seen some progress in our area. Since that one new investigator on my birthday we have found 7 more. Pretty much a miracle. And we had my first lesson with someone from the street since I was in Samara this past week. Also, in the elders area a couple who had their names removed from the church have expressed a desire to get baptized and came to church yesterday. 

Things are about to get crazy in Balakova! :) 

Oh and remember Dachney?? My beloved Dachney? You would be pleased to hear that Tamara, our only investigator there and mother of my favorite member was baptized on Saturday, December 28, 2013!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so elated, sad I can't be there but my good friend Elder Wall promised me pictures. :) 

Hard work and faithfullness really does reap blessings, even when you don't see them. That's why we must always have faith in God and His promises. That's something I must admit I have doubted from time to time in my hardest moments, but you know, it really is true. And how much hope can we find in that?

I wanted to tell you more about the fun I've had talking with people on the street but I'll just keep it short and say that it's been the week of philisophical men. One of which was in Saratov. We got to work in the sisters area in the middle of the city. Everyone was being ridiculously nice to us and then this guy says "hey, tell me something." I kinda rolled my eyes, thinking 'I know this type. They don't really want to listen.' But he actually did want to listen and it turned out I made a good friend! :) Sasha, who knows english, has traveled all around europe & chatted with me about self perfection/progression, evolution, and eventually, with skill of conversation navigation, the Restoration. He's the typical beefy russian with a surfer/hippie mentality and childlike heart. We also ended up looking for a lost hairless dog that he worried about getting out of the cold... oh the adventures!! 

Okay so now I'm forfeiting time to write personal letters to explain the package a bit more, I don't feel like I got the chance. I did write little notes on more things to explain but from in the hassle of sending it, they got lost. (the postal worker ended up emptying and refilling the box multiple times... don't wanna talk about it. ;) I really do hope you enjoyed it. It was the best I could do in order to get everyone in the family a little something. & the chips were a last mintute thing to fill the rest of the box in a light weight, cheep, tasty way. The extra sock and stuff can go to anyone who wants it, and each grandma should get one of the scarves and one of the hanky things. You are free to swith socks or whatever if you want. & I plan on getting you guys other things before I go. But I dont know what you want and i don't want to spend money on something you don't want. SO each of you needs to think of something. I will send a list of options later if you cant think of something now.

Love youuuuuuu!!!!!!!!1

Sister Johnson

December 23, 2013

Hey! Christmas is coming! It's Christmas eve eve, that is, on this side of the globe. You are all still enjoying the last few minutes of your sabbath. Thanks to my companions two Christmas packages full of dollar-store decorations and festivities and a few hours of glueing on sparkles after planning, our apartment is fully festive and ready for the holidays!! We may even pick up a little yolka (Christmas tree/pine tree) from one of the many dealers on the streets of Balakova. Yesterday as I ate boiled water for tea I watched a young couple pull their tree along on a wooden sled with metal runners in the snow with their little son trailing along. It was the quaintest, classic winter scene. 

We're still on for 9:30ish on your Christmas eve. :) I will be at Sveta's house using the same computer she uses to skype her muslim man friend in Franch ;) she's so funny, you'll love her.

As a little Christmas present I have been informed that Tamara Golybev is still on date for baptism this coming saturday!!! Too bad I won't be in Dachney to see it but I'll convince Elder Wall to get me some pictures. 

There's really not a whole lot other than that to report on this week... OH! we got our General Conference Liahonas!!!!!!!!!!! You know I may sound silly but it's kinda a big deal! that thing is priceless. Imagine not hearing the gospel in your native tongue for a year. It's not the same. It is the same, but it's not. We have lots of scripture study in our own language, but I really miss that weekly nourishment at church. So General Conference is just that more precious. At least that's my theory. & I laughed to myself as I read the opening talk by President Monson when he rejoiced in how  because of technology "we don't have to wait months for the mail" to receive Conference! Wrong! Okay, maybe I'm being a whiner. It in all reality, really came at the right time for me. All of the talks have just been so intimately applicable to me and to Balakova. It's strengthened my relationship with Heavenly Father to remember how aware of me He is. & it also strengthened my testimony of modern prophets. How amazing is it that they receive revelation for me in my remote and personal circumstance! and for us all!

Yep, that's all I got today. Sorry. 

Oh, and we have a mini missionary in Balakova now. Elder Myers went home to get surgery and so they pulled in a young man from Saratov to serve until he returns. He literally got the call, dropped everything and left that same day. What a jaw-dropping example. Members in Russia know how to sacrifice. He also is a new member of less than a year and is the ward mission leader in their branch of 60 in Saratov with 6 missionaries. I'm not sure what that branch is going to do without him. & he's going to miss the holidays.

I'll SEE YOU in 2 days!!!!!!

love & holiday greetings!!! 

Sister Johnson

ps.  I have realized that I feel very deeply, especially feelings of love and loyalty and a bit of nervousness with that deep attachment with the fear that it's not reciprocated. That is exactly where I am with Russians, and specifically with Balakova. I love them so much. Not like a fluffy, happy kind of love but a love that's rooted so deeply within that it drives you, almost becomes obsessive, and fiercely loyal.