Weeeelll it looks like I'm going to be in Balakova for the rest of my mission! Nothing is ever for sure but that's the way it's lookin. We still have no idea when our companions are coming in but I'll take all the time with Sister Sigman that I can get. We served together my first cycle in Balakova and it was a rough one for the both of us so it's really awesome to be together again as completely different missionaries. Plus, we're pretty good friends so that makes it fun :) & she served here a long time as well so she's super close with the branch. They were all so excited to see her, it was so cute. :) Only thing is that she's sick. She was completely down for 3 weeks before the transfer so we've been taking it slow this week. Svetlana is also been pretty sick so I'm worried about her. She wasn't able to come to church yesterday, which is a pity since it was brance conference with the district presidency and the Schwabs there and everything. The turn out at church was amazing! We had a full chapel! & lots of less/in actives came :)
Although it's been a slow week, I've felt a permiating tenderness. Just a gratitude and awareness of the Savior's love and mercy as I have been continuous in prayer and repentance and let faith in Him fill me up. I've thought a lot about each of you siblings and how you each have something you're working through, hard things, and I just want to say never give up. Please have faith, have patience in the Lord and that He will fulfill His promises. And even when you can't have faith, do not cast out that desire, but let it dwell in your heart and give you the hope to continue.
I love you and I wish so much that I could help you by being there. I wish that I could be with each of you always to love and support you... and I mean that in a very real way. But I know that my being here will be more beneficial to you. At least that is my hope and my faith, which is Christ, who is, quite literally, with you always.
Love,
Sister Johnson :)
Dearest Missionaries,
Thank you for the efforts so many of you are making to work harder, including working much harder at prayer and working harder to exercise faith, expecting the blessings you seek, and controlling doubts and fears. It is wonderful to hear the experiences you have shared with me as you are doing that. The Lord is blessing our mission with some amazing things happening! I will try to share some of those experiences, as well as some of your miracles you have shared with me, in the zone conferences next week.
Every week, I earnestly strive to find out what our Father in Heaven would have you hear. As I have prayed about it this week, I have felt impressed to talk about discouragement, sorrow and related emotions.
I think many of us were surprised to experience discouragement or depression on our missions. The homecomings we attended were all so upbeat and some even said it was "the best two years." Many of you may have thought at times that "if these are supposed to be the best two years, then what is wrong with me?"
As a beginning point, I want to emphasize that it is NORMAL to feel discouragement and be "down" some of the time. The scriptures are full of examples when even the best of the best were "down" or discouraged, including both Nephi and Alma at times being "weighed down with sorrow," Ammon and his brethren having hearts which were "depressed" and "wanting to turn back," Joseph Smith crying out in frustration "O God, where art thou," and many others.
Much more importantly, as Isaiah prophetically described Christ, he said: "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief" (Isaiah 53:3). Can you relate? Do you ever feel "despised and rejected of men?" Do you ever feel like " a man (or woman) of sorrows" or "acquainted with grief?" If so, then you are in the most sacred of company!
While such feelings are appropriate at times, they become damaging and a hindrance to the work if not properly controlled. It is neither normal nor healthy to feel like this all the time. First, it runs contrary to the Lord's simple plan that "men are that they might have joy: (2 Ne. 2:25). Of course, we must have competing emotions for reasons including the fact that "it must needs be that there is an opposition in all things" (2 Ne. 11). But feeling sorrow and grief too much, and especially all of the time, is improper. As noted in Proverbs 15:13, "by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken." That is a warning which everyone of you should heed!
Sometimes we may think (perhaps with Satan's encouragement) that significant sorrow is actually a good thing and is necessary to achieve humility. While "Godly sorrow" for sin is necessary, and recognition of our own weakness and nothingness is important to humility, we often sink far below what the Lord desires. Let me give you two very instructive examples.
Nephi became discouraged and depressed as he considered his own weakness and unworthiness, even describing himself as "wretched" and having a heart which "sorroweth" and "grieveth" (2 Ne. 4: 17). However, undoubtedly knowing that boundaries to those feelings needed to be set, Nephi immediately said "NEVETHELESS, I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Ne. 4:19). I love that word "nevertheless" because it is not something we use enough to stop the progression of destructive and negative thoughts which we have.
Nephi then went on to REQUIRE his soul to "awake" and his heart to "rejoice" rather than let his "heart weep" and his soul "linger in the valley of sorrow" (2 Ne. 4:26). He knew that if he did not, he would give Satan "place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul" (2 Ne. 4:27). We, as missionaries, need to follow Nephi's great example. Force your soul often to "awake" and your heart to "rejoice." Plead with your Father in Heaven to help you do so, and He will!
Nephi then turns everything over to the Lord and asks Him, as he prays in Chapter 4, for help with his problems: ("Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin," and so on). We need to be wise enough to turn our grief, or sorrows, or weaknesses, our "wretchedness" over to the Lord so that HE can heal us. Nephi even adds as a warning that "cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm" (2 Ne. 4:34). WE MUST NOT PUT OUR TRUST IN MAN OR EVEN IN OUR OWN STRENGTH in an effort to overcome our weaknesses, or depression, or feelings of sorrow. We must faithfully give them to the Lord.
It could not be any clearer in the scriptures that the Lord invites--and even commands--us to do so. In Psalms 55:22 we read: "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee." Cast--not "tentatively push," not
"gently nudge," but CAST them upon Him! What an amazing commandment! Yet we trudge along, like a farm-horse pulling a heavy plow with our head down, rather than casting our burdens away and being free.
In an equally inviting (if not commanding) tone, the Savior said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). Do we do so? Are you laden with burdens or troubles on your mission that are heavy and make you labor? Do we take the Savior at His word and accept His promise? Or do we trudge forward, "making flesh our arm" in an effort to resolve our own problems, thinking that that is a good thing?
The same mistake can be made with repentance. In an effort to fully repent, some among us feel such continual sorrow that we become constantly depressed and despondent. Listen to what Alma said to his son, Shiblon, after he had repented of a very serious sin: "And now, my son, I desire that ye should let these things trouble you no more, and ONLY let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance" (Alma 42: 29). Why only let our sins trouble us with that trouble which brings us down to repentance? Because at that point, we have turned the sin over to Christ. We accept and have faith that His Atonement will wipe the sin away. We do NOT continue to try to carry the sin ourselves, thinking that our own pitiful efforts, including our continuing sorrow or remorse, will somehow pay a price that only the Savior can pay (and in fact has already paid).
Likewise, we do not allow the memory of our past sins and problems to cause us guilt, anguish and depression. God ALLOWS us to remember our sins so that we do not do them again. That does not mean we should feel guilt when we do so. Alma gives us a great example as he remembers "all my sins and iniquities" (Alma 36:13). HOWEVER, Alma then also remembers his repentance (verse 18) and his forgiveness (verses 19-24). If you remember past transgressions, require yourself to also remember your repentance and forgiveness. If you repent and then continue to feel guilt, you may be doing an unthinkable thing--challenging the effectiveness of the Atonement. You are improperly giving the infinite Atonement finite boundaries by trying to exclude yourself from its effect.
Elders and Sisters, God can and will take away our sorrow, discouragement and despair if we have faith and allow Him to do so. What happened to our above-referenced examples from the scriptures who were discouraged? In Ammon and his brethren's time of discouragement, we are told that "the Lord comforted [them]" (Alma 26:27). To Alma, the Lord said "Blessed art thou, Alma; therefore lift up thy head and rejoice" (Alma 8:15). To Joseph Smith, the Lord extended the gift of "peace . . . unto thy soul" (D&C 121:7). In every circumstance, God removed the burden, gave joy, and extended peace. He will do the same for us if we cast our burdens upon the Lord and have faith in Him as we pray to the Father.
As missionaries, we will have some discouragement. It will be part of the work as long as people have their free agency and as long as Satan can influence them. We may feel temporary despair. We may "labor and be heavy laden." However, we must never forget that uncontrolled doubts, discouragement and despair will prevent the exercise of faith. When we feel such emotions, we must immediately say, as did Nephi, "NEVERTHELESS, I know in whom I have trusted." All of us have a Savior whose "arms of mercy are extended" towards us and not only allows but commands us to cast all of our burdens upon Him. What a merciful and incredibly kind Lord we have! He is a Savior and Redeemer in whom we can have perfect and CONTINUING faith because He is perfect and always there. This is His work that we are involved in. May we all control and cast out doubts, fear, depression and discouragement from our lives with His help, and choose instead to have constant faith and hope in Him and his promises. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
We love and pray for you,
President and Sister Schwab
